Trust in Relationships
When people talk about trust in relationships they usually
relate it to sexual fidelity. While that is probably the most important area it
is not the only one. A person has many different relationships in their lives,
family, friends, associates and so forth and all of these rely on a degree of
trust. I will deal with the other areas on other pages of this site, for now let
us deal with the long term sexual relationship.
There is one thing that will destroy trust in relationships
faster than anything else, cheating on your partner, fooling around, call it
what you like, it is wrong and destructive. For some crazy reason a person who is
being unfaithful will have it totally justified for themselves but not for their
One man I know was completely unfaithful to his wife, and not
with one other woman but many. He had this strange, but common, idea that what
she did not know would not hurt her. I don't know if she actually found out but
a secret like that is hard to keep. Anyway he found out that she had been
unfaithful to him and was devastated.
That was the end of their marriage. I only heard his side of the
but somehow she had suddenly become the worst betrayer of all time, a slut and
worse. I don't think he ever looked at what that made him.
He has a fairly
common mental twist where it is alright for me to do it, but a crime if you do
it. To me this shows some sort of disassociation, other people are not really
people, they do not have thoughts and feelings or something like that.
Unfortunately as I said it is fairly common. You will see it in
criminals, apparently it is alright for them to steal from other people but they
scream like crazy when somebody takes something of theirs.
Building Trust in Relationships
It is sad that humans do not seem to be able to be totally
honest with each other, or even with themselves in many cases. I think that most
people want to be straightforward and honest but it is not always easy. We tend
to get into the area of white lies or not wanting to hurt the other persons
feelings. It would be considered socially wrong to be completely honest all the
time, there was a comedy movie about that (Liar, Liar with Jim Carrey).
While it is an admirable quality to not want to hurt someone's
feelings it is often a mistake. For example if I was wearing something that
looked silly on me. What would hurt more, my partner telling me before we went
out, or finding out later that other people thought that I looked stupid. It
would not really upset me if I looked stupid but I would sooner avoid it.
So part of building trust in relationships is allowing the other
person to be honest with you and not getting upset or angry at them. You must
trust each other enough to know that you each have the others best interest in
mind. This does not mean that you have to be blunt or brutal about it, something
like 'the other outfit makes you look better' would work.
If there is something that your partner says or does that annoys
you then talk to them about it. You may be surprised, often they will not have
realized that something was wrong. Usually it is not what is said that causes
problems but what is left unsaid. Little things left unhandled will build up
tension until something explodes, don't let it get that far.
We all have our flaws and weaknesses, don't pick on them, try to
resolve them. Work to build each other up and love each other as you are.
Jealousy is a lack of trust and security. There must be
something you find attractive about your partner or you would not be together.
Well some other people will find them attractive too, it is quite
understandable. If you have built a strong relationship then there should be
nothing to worry about.
I remember one dance where another guy was more than a little
interested in my lady, and I could not blame him, she looked great. A friend of
mine asked if I was worried about it, I told him she could handle it and would
give me a sign if she needed my help. She politely put the guy off and came to
dance with me. I will note here that I always made sure that she knew that I was
more interested in her than anyone else.
Trust in relationships along with
Communication is what
will make them strong, a
healthy relationship is very valuable, work together to
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