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Trust in Relationships

When people talk about trust in relationships they usually relate it to sexual fidelity. While that is probably the most important area it is not the only one. A person has many different relationships in their lives, family, friends, associates and so forth and all of these rely on a degree of trust. I will deal with the other areas on other pages of this site, for now let us deal with the long term sexual relationship.


Cheating

There is one thing that will destroy trust in relationships faster than anything else, cheating on your partner, fooling around, call it what you like, it is wrong and destructive. For some crazy reason a person who is being unfaithful will have it totally justified for themselves but not for their partner.

One man I know was completely unfaithful to his wife, and not with one other woman but many. He had this strange, but common, idea that what she did not know would not hurt her. I don't know if she actually found out but a secret like that is hard to keep. Anyway he found out that she had been unfaithful to him and was devastated.

That was the end of their marriage. I only heard his side of the story, but somehow she had suddenly become the worst betrayer of all time, a slut and worse. I don't think he ever looked at what that made him.

He has a fairly common mental twist where it is alright for me to do it, but a crime if you do it. To me this shows some sort of disassociation, other people are not really people, they do not have thoughts and feelings or something like that.

Unfortunately as I said it is fairly common. You will see it in criminals, apparently it is alright for them to steal from other people but they scream like crazy when somebody takes something of theirs.


Building Trust in Relationships

It is sad that humans do not seem to be able to be totally honest with each other, or even with themselves in many cases. I think that most people want to be straightforward and honest but it is not always easy. We tend to get into the area of white lies or not wanting to hurt the other persons feelings. It would be considered socially wrong to be completely honest all the time, there was a comedy movie about that (Liar, Liar with Jim Carrey).

While it is an admirable quality to not want to hurt someone's feelings it is often a mistake. For example if I was wearing something that looked silly on me. What would hurt more, my partner telling me before we went out, or finding out later that other people thought that I looked stupid. It would not really upset me if I looked stupid but I would sooner avoid it.

So part of building trust in relationships is allowing the other person to be honest with you and not getting upset or angry at them. You must trust each other enough to know that you each have the others best interest in mind. This does not mean that you have to be blunt or brutal about it, something like 'the other outfit makes you look better' would work.

If there is something that your partner says or does that annoys you then talk to them about it. You may be surprised, often they will not have realized that something was wrong. Usually it is not what is said that causes problems but what is left unsaid. Little things left unhandled will build up tension until something explodes, don't let it get that far.

We all have our flaws and weaknesses, don't pick on them, try to resolve them. Work to build each other up and love each other as you are.


Jealousy

Jealousy is a lack of trust and security. There must be something you find attractive about your partner or you would not be together. Well some other people will find them attractive too, it is quite understandable. If you have built a strong relationship then there should be nothing to worry about.

I remember one dance where another guy was more than a little interested in my lady, and I could not blame him, she looked great. A friend of mine asked if I was worried about it, I told him she could handle it and would give me a sign if she needed my help. She politely put the guy off and came to dance with me. I will note here that I always made sure that she knew that I was more interested in her than anyone else.

Trust in relationships along with Love and Communication is what will make them strong, a healthy relationship is very valuable, work together to build one.

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