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Communication in Relationships

By Ray Terris

Most people know that communication in relationships is very important. In fact most of the problems in a relationship are communication problems. As I mentioned in the page What is Communication it is far more than just talking and in a relationship the communication level has to be much higher. If you really want a relationship to last then communicate on every level.

Know your partner

I have known many couples who really did not know each other very well. That may sound strange but it is true. People get together and find out a few things about the person they are interested in to see if they can become a couple. But when they are just starting then each one is trying to be their best. This is fine but there comes a point when a commitment is made, even if it is not stated as such.

When this point is reached then you will have to be more honest with each other. Find out what each other is really looking for, what are the likes and dislikes. I knew one lady who did not enjoy camping, but her partner did, so she pretended to enjoy it. This built up tension in their relationship, he did not understand why she would get annoyed at little things while they were out. When she asked for my advice I told her to tell him the truth. She was nervous about doing this because she did not want to hurt his feelings or make him give up something he enjoyed, I suggested she tell him that too. Honest communication in relationships is vital.

It worked out fine. He was relieved to find out what was bothering her. He then told her that he preferred camping by himself but did not want her to think that he did not enjoy her company. He offered to stop the camping but she said no. They came to an agreement, he would go camping and she would spend that time having a girls get together.

It is a good idea to try doing what the other person enjoys, you may enjoy it too, but if not then be honest about it. If you really care for someone you do not want them to be miserable and they will feel the same about you.

Communication without words

Communication in relationships depends more on non verbal communication than verbal. We have all heard about body language and it is important that you learn the signals that your partner is sending you. The more obvious communications are a smile, wink or a kiss. For a great relationship touch is very important.

It has been said that men are visually stimulated and women are more emotion and tactile stimulated. I don't know how true that is but it is true that, women especially, react well to being touched by someone they like or love. It is a nice sharing of your space. A hug says 'I love you' very loudly.

You should also be aware that non verbal communications are usually more honest than spoken ones. I have found that women are generally better at interpreting body language than men, which may account for woman's intuition. There should always be honesty in a relationship anyway.

Nurturing the Love

It is the communication in relationships that makes them grow and keeps the love alive. A couple should be constantly using all the communication available. A good relationship is very valuable and should never be neglected or taken for granted.

Some people, mostly men, have a hard time displaying their love. I am not really sure why this is but some apparent reasons are;

  • Fear of being hurt. Learn to trust your partner, you will get hurt if you don't show your love.

  • It is not manly. If your partner does not know that you are a man then you are in trouble.

  • Fear of rejection. You have already been accepted, don't let them come to reject you by appearing cold or inattentive.

People like the reassurance that the love is still there.

Quick Tips

Here are some tips on using communication in relationships to keep the love alive, or to revitalize it if things have slowed down.

I have split these into three groups. One for men because women are largely tactile. One for women because men are often visual and a third joint venture. Note, if you have not been showing you affection enough lately your partner may wonder what you are up to. Just tell them that you realized that you have not been giving them enough attention and wanted to let them know you still love them.


  • A particularly good move is to go up behind your lady and put your arms around her, then nuzzle her neck.

  • Never leave home without a hug.

  • Never come home without a hug.

  • Say "Hi beautiful" or something similar at least once a day.

  • Buy her a little something once in a while.

  • Anything else that you know she likes.


  • Most of the above.

  • Say "Hey big guy" or similar and give an exaggerated wiggle.

  • Try a new hair style or color, although some guys don't feel comfortable with change, most like it.

  • Most men like to be 'vamped' occasionally, Be the aggressor but don't overdo it.

  • Men are visual so strut your stuff once in a while. Wear something sexy.


  • Play together, do something silly once in a while, have a pillow fight, play strip poker, just have fun.

  • Work together, doing any chore together makes it easier and more enjoyable.

  • Try different sex moves and see if you both enjoy them.

  • When you go out walk arm in arm. One of the most memorable times I had was when I was walking with my partner. We had our arms around each others waists, I matched my hip sway to hers. She laughed and we both exaggerated the hip sway, we may have looked silly to other people but who cares, it felt kind of sexy.

  • Always communicate, even if it is just a wink or a smile.

  • Plan something special together and work towards it.

Real communication in relationships is magic, it will increase the excitement and can revive a waning romance.

Please read What is Love, Healthy Relationship and Trust in Relationships for more information.

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